ludd_gang
05/13/2005, 23:15
Seems like some movies I see, I end up rooting for the "bad guy". Okay, I'm lying a bit, it's not during some, its during most. I was wondering if other people are this way, or am I just more evil than most. Anyhoo, post your top 3 if you find yourself similarly misanthropic during your cinematic experiences...
My Top 3:
#3: In the Line of Fire: I realize that most of my enthusiasm for the villian in this movie lies in the fact that I embellished the story in my memory long after the movie played. I mixed in bits of The Running Man and To Kill a Mockingbird, and the result was John Malkovich hunting down a racist Richard Dawson dressed in Christmas lights. Needless to say, seeing Clint Eastwood subvert this honorable mission was akin to losing your penis right before coitus. Would have been better if: The coked-up execs in Hollywood weren't such poo-c's and made the assasin a pro-lifer. During the abundantly PC 90's, people would have lined up with torches everywhere. That would have rocked.
#2: The Relic: Big digimitronic dragon dines on rich people that donate to cultural causes like PBS, theaters and educational foundations. Personally, I hope that during the battle of Armageddon God gives me big enough fangs that I may do likewise. *Burp* Would have been better if: The Society for Creative Anachronism made a cameo. You know the scene: Some portly dude dressed in welded stop signs would step up and think his years of D&D training might do him some good, only to be popped open and guzzled like a warm can of Hawaiian Punch.
#1: Deep Impact: The utter destruction of civilization. I wanted that asteroid to hit so bad, I had naughtly dreams about Vanna White the night before seeing it. Keep in mind, Vanna was still hot back then. She spelled out puzzles like "Quote: AAAHHH! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" and "Place: CRATER PREVIOUSLY KNOWN AS WASHINGTON DC" and "Backwards and Forwards: SIXTY NINE TO FIVE", then we mated on Pat Sajak's smoldering comet-bent carcass. Would have been better if: The dream was actually real life.
My Top 3:
#3: In the Line of Fire: I realize that most of my enthusiasm for the villian in this movie lies in the fact that I embellished the story in my memory long after the movie played. I mixed in bits of The Running Man and To Kill a Mockingbird, and the result was John Malkovich hunting down a racist Richard Dawson dressed in Christmas lights. Needless to say, seeing Clint Eastwood subvert this honorable mission was akin to losing your penis right before coitus. Would have been better if: The coked-up execs in Hollywood weren't such poo-c's and made the assasin a pro-lifer. During the abundantly PC 90's, people would have lined up with torches everywhere. That would have rocked.
#2: The Relic: Big digimitronic dragon dines on rich people that donate to cultural causes like PBS, theaters and educational foundations. Personally, I hope that during the battle of Armageddon God gives me big enough fangs that I may do likewise. *Burp* Would have been better if: The Society for Creative Anachronism made a cameo. You know the scene: Some portly dude dressed in welded stop signs would step up and think his years of D&D training might do him some good, only to be popped open and guzzled like a warm can of Hawaiian Punch.
#1: Deep Impact: The utter destruction of civilization. I wanted that asteroid to hit so bad, I had naughtly dreams about Vanna White the night before seeing it. Keep in mind, Vanna was still hot back then. She spelled out puzzles like "Quote: AAAHHH! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" and "Place: CRATER PREVIOUSLY KNOWN AS WASHINGTON DC" and "Backwards and Forwards: SIXTY NINE TO FIVE", then we mated on Pat Sajak's smoldering comet-bent carcass. Would have been better if: The dream was actually real life.