Reese Witherspoon on Parenting

[Typhon]

On being made fun of:
“Those are sort of formative experiences. I wouldn’t want my children to miss out on any of that teasing and bullying. Don’t you think it kind of makes you who you are — when you don’t make the soccer team?”

On kids today being overpraised:
“That’s the thing that drives me crazy about today: Everybody wins the award, everybody’s the MVP? No! They’re not, OK? I distinctly recall the two weeks of crying because I didn’t make the volleyball team. But it made me interesting, you know?”

I 100% agree with this ... and think that society has taken a horrible turn to the detriment of future generations. I know that almost all of us are gamers (because you're on a gaming website), so you know what it feels like to lose. But what of all these kids who are in a "everybody wins" environment? Those are the nutjobs that go to the real world and fail ... flip out ... and shoot up a place.

What are your thoughts on this? Do you think there's a valid reason to coddle children and protect them from feeling like a loser?

[CornsilkSW]

i think kids should be put to work, honestly, this whole first world idea that kids don't work is VERY new in the grand history of humanity and most of the world STILL doesn't buy into it.

it's spoiled us all. When my grandfather's generation of my family were kids, they got up at dawn and did chores on the farm, or else they didn't have food to eat.

That's the way nature is, and it's the way the world of 'grown ups' works. If you don't work, you don't eat. Letting kids skate out of hard work and the failures that go with having tiered social is softening the whole society up for a slaughter.

... maybe i'm just odd in my beliefs though.

[Granite Moose]

I have a huge problem with the whole "everybody's a winner" mentality. I agree that failure is a very important part of developing character. How much character is built if you're constantly being praised just for trying? Failure also helps in building determination, hard work, learning from your failures, making adjustments, perseverance, and overcoming obstacles.
I distinctly remember times during my formative years where being beaten by somebody or making mistakes (especially public ones) drove me to try harder and apply myself more to the task.

Slight tangent, but now that my daughter is old enough to understand the differences, I will not let her win games as some parents do. Obviously, when she was two or three and was learning games and the beginnings of competition, I let her win quite a bit. It kept her interest and allowed for the learning to occur with her peaked interest. Now that she is six, I don't take it easy. Granted, I'm certainly not as cut-throat as I might be against an adult opponent and I will remind her to look at her options (especially games like Sorry!), but I will let her make mistakes. And you know what? She still beats me quite often at her games. She's developed an analytical mind and knows that I'm not going to just let her win. As such, she still doesn't like losing, but she sure doesn't get upset and throw a tantrum if she does.

[Typhon]

I know I certainly don't fear the "next generation" going through the ranks and taking my job. LOL! So maybe it's a good thing that helicopter parents are hovering over their adult children; makes it easier for me to identify the people that can't cut it on their own. :)

It sure will be interesting to watch the kind of adults that get spit out of these schools in the future. I can't wait for the catastrophe that's about to go down! LOL! "What do you mean I'm fired? ... No, seriously. What does that word even mean?" Ha!

I've been watching those crazy Japanese game shows on G4, and they know what's up. They're happy to have a chance at failing miserably. And even though I think that American Gladiator is kinda lame. I have to admire the defined "winner" and "loser".

Second Place Is The First Loser!

[Shellhead's Pal]

Man, she's definitely right about teasing making you who you are. It's certainly had a big effect on my outlook. And ego. And superego. Not to mention my id.

Also, I really never thought I'd see a thread here called, "Reese Witherspoon on Parenting". Shocking. :confused:

[bigkahuna83]

Smoking Hot and Smart. what a great combo

[Typhon]

Yeah, I'm glad someone is coming out there and saying it in a public forum. We need to turn this boat around and get back to having the hunger that only competition brings. Gaming is what's going to turn this thing around; it's good to be a gamer! ;)

[llyrghmnghyll]

What's really gone wrong in this scenario is that unconditional positive regard (UPR), which is a useful skill for parents to utilize has become confused with not allowing your child to feel bad ever. Feeling bad is normal, losing is normal, not measuring up is normal. However in all of this the child should never lose sight of the fact that no matter what the frustration level of the parent the parent isn't giving up on the child, that the parents will always root for their child. This IS something that parents ought to try to convey.

UPR is about making a child welcome, not about never letting a child feel bad. If a child doesn't do their chores, don't give them their allowance. If a child doesn't do as well in school as the goals the parents set, don't give them the reward promised. Really this is just about training your child to set goals and work towards them and about training your child to stand on their own feet.

But there have always been overprotective parents. My mother used to tell a joke she heard when she was a kid about this mother pushing her 30 yr old son through a department store. she was stopped by some old friends from high school. After talking for awhile one of the women got up the courage to ask the mother what was wrong with her son, to which the mother replied "Oh, my son is perfect just the way god made him". After a few more polite comments one of the women asked "but your son can't walk?", to which the mother replied "Oh, I don't think he's ever had to".

And while competition is healthy we don't really want to encourage the style of parenting which leads to anorexia, where the parent pushes the child so hard the only thing the child has control over anymore is their diet (this is what anorexia is about, not images in the media)

Of course a delicate balance is never really achieved by all parents, so what society can set is just what the norms are and where the outliers stand.

[bagman04]

I agree, this everyones a winner system is for the birds. Totally sets a child up for complete shock and depression when they finally suck at something or get rejected.
This current generation of children are being set up for failure.

[Bubblehead]

As a parent (and being a competitive SOB that I am),

I seriously agree with this. Not so much winning but the fact that "everybody" on the team gets an award. unless it's 1st, 2nd, or whatever, you don't get one. I think it's ok to be on the outside looking in. It makes you aware. It can make you strive. It can make you learn for the next time.


My boy should be rewarded for being the best if he is the best. Of course he's "the best" in my eyes.....but to earn it from his peers.......there ya go.

Yeah, I think Reese has a good head on her shoulders.

[Pashmina]

I 100% agree with this ... and think that society has taken a horrible turn to the detriment of future generations. I know that almost all of us are gamers (because you're on a gaming website), so you know what it feels like to lose. But what of all these kids who are in a "everybody wins" environment? Those are the nutjobs that go to the real world and fail ... flip out ... and shoot up a place.

What are your thoughts on this? Do you think there's a valid reason to coddle children and protect them from feeling like a loser?

I agree with what she said, especially the second one.

I have this thing about "justice" that is a bit silly, but it's like, my aunt and uncle always say my cousin is a winner, or "we all won", when in fact I won or whatever. It just annoys me.

[vamroc]

I agree, this everyones a winner system is for the birds. Totally sets a child up for complete shock and depression when they finally suck at something or get rejected.
This current generation of children are being set up for failure.

"Does this mean we can get rid of all the Mexicans" -Mr. Garrison
"No Mr.Garrison we can not get rid of all the Mexicans" -The Mayor

Pearls of Wisdom from Matt and Trey

[bagman04]

I'm so going to give you a texas chili bowl.

[subliminalthreat]

wow, I know I was one of the generation that if you lost you were a loser, I have a few younger siblings that are of the everybody's a winner generation. They are lazy, don't care what goes on around them just as long as they don't have to put any effort into it. I don't understand it. I had to have a job at the age of 15, pay my own way for everything and I was never able to ask my parents for ####. I thought it sucked back then(it still does) but it gave me a greater appreciation for what I have and it should me not everything is fair and pretty. My brother and sisters though? man, they each have a credit card with a $500.00 a month spending limit. They were GIVEN vehicles when they turned 16, none have to do chores or have jobs. My brother does work though, at a gamestop, jsut so he gets a discount to buy more games and dvd's. It's nuts, I used to be jealous until I saw my youngest sis get turned down for colleges, it was wonderful, it was like the world had ended for her. She didn't see the other side of things, like appreciative kids would. She just moaned and cried forever. They all whine alot and pout if they don't get their way. In retrospect i'm so glad I was raised a little rougher, it's better than being a spoiled brat. and on a side note, when that Texas Chili Bowl is served, will somebody be wearing a Cincinatti Bow Tie? urbandictionary.com rocks!

[Wyldstaar]

There's an old gal at my job who raised her kids the exact opposite of Reese, and they are two of the most useless people I've ever heard of. She is 63 years old, and had her kids kinda late in life. She was happily married to a man in the military. Then she had a girl, and shortly after a boy. When the boy was about five, her husband got transfer orders to move to a base in another state. The child threw a fit because he didn't want to move. What did she do, you ask? She divorced her husband so that she wouldn't have to move for the sake of her spoiled little brat. Why, you ask? (I certainly did!) She told me that her children did not ask to be brought into this world, and since she is the one who is responsible for bringing them into this world, it's her responsibility as a mother to do everything she possibly can to make them happy. If they ask for something, and it is within her power to give it, she considers it her obligation to do so. The result...

Today, the boy is 27 and the girl is 30. They both live with at home with their mother. He works in an icecream shop. She works at a bank. Their mother pays all the bills, mows the lawn, etc. Their mother will never be able to retire, because her children are sucking her dry. She will retire when she is dead, and has taken out a huge insurance policy on herself so that when she dies her children will be heavily provided for. Near as I can tell, the kids have no friends because nobody can stand to be around them.

[dominiccheng]

Look up Viz on google. There's a character called Spoilt B*****d. He is exactly what you guys are talking about. However I do have a slight issue with part of this comment:
Those are sort of formative experiences. I wouldn’t want my children to miss out on any of that teasing and bullying. Don’t you think it kind of makes you who you are — when you don’t make the soccer team
Whilst I agree with the gist of it to me bullying is long term, repeated abuse. So letting my kids get teased - sure, bullied - no!

[Amora's_best_friend]

Yeah, realistically I'd prefer not to have my child bullied.

Name calling and stuff is all part of the fun of growing up though.

[JacinB]

There was a great article on this just last week on MSN (who borrowed it from BestLife magazine) called "Raise a Comeback Kid (http://men.msn.com/articlebl.aspx?cp-documentid=1010781)."

Lots of excellent points in it ...

[JacinB]

Yeah, I think Reese has a good head on her shoulders.
... is this a forehead joke?

If not, can it be?

[EmperorNorton]

... is this a forehead joke?

If not, can it be?


I think she's cute...

[Wyldstaar]

I'm a bit torn on the whole bullying issue. On the one hand, I despise bullies and wouldn't want my kids to have to deal with one. On the other hand, one of my fondest childhood memories is of getting into a fight with a bully.

It was after lunch in the classroom, and the teacher wasn't back yet. He had been messing with me for weeks, and we finally got into it in front of the entire class (or at least those who were already back from lunch). At some point early on in the fight, I broke his arm (I have no idea how I managed this). I did not realize his arm was broken, nor did anyone else. At that point, he began to run away from me, dodging around to try and keep the desks between us. The class were all laughing their heads off. He was a head taller than me, and about forty pounds heavier. Because I wouldn't stop pursuing him, he ran out the classroom doorway, and ran smack into the teacher as she was coming in, with me hot on his heels.

She marched us both to the principals office. He told his story. I told mine. He spent the rest of the school year (about five weeks) in a kind of detention called "sack", which is basically where you spend all day doing your assignments in a large closet with a bunch of other miscreants. I got off scott free. I didn't find out until the next day that I'd broken the guy's arm.

As much as he made my life miserable the time before the fight, I have to say that I believe it all worked out for the best in the end. I can't have my happy memory of that fight without the painful memory of him tormenting me beforehand, and I wouldn't give the memory of that fight for anything.

[maraxus_60]

I agree with just about everything EXCEPT for the bullying.
I had a bully when I was in 5th grade, and damn was he relentless. Even when I was with teachers he was right there reminding me that there wasn't always going to be an adult around. this went on for almost the whole year, till one day we were in school late, (I was in Drama) started off to my Locker, which was on a different floor, started up the stairs and got hit hard from behind. It was my bully (his name was Charlie) and he just wanted to get me once without anyone around. The ensuing fight saw me loose a tooth and eventually me picking him up by the throat and throwing him down a flight of stairs. It was a train wreck. BUT I dealt with it and it helped me deal with other bulies later in life. EVEN THOUGH I haven't beaten every bully in my life I have been able to deal with them. I want my daughter to be able to stand on her own and IF that means she has to deal with someone like Charlie, so be it. I just hope when she has to deal with that she can become a better person for having dealt with them.

[The Mattador]

And we're getting parenting advice from Reese Witherspoon, why?

[Wyldstaar]

And we're getting parenting advice from Reese Witherspoon, why?

I dunno. The OP didn't site a source for the quotes. If I had to venture a guess, I'd say it was from a women's magazine. Isn't that the sort of question those kinds of mags ask celebrities?