View Full Version : The Thawmus HCR MSPA Text Adventure Game
Time for a new adventure.
Ground rules:
1. I'm not taking all suggestions. I'm going to "randomly" select one out of the ones given, for the command. I'm then going to come up with a result for that action. Any suggestions given prior to the result of that command, will not be used for the next command. This keeps you from doing things completely backwards, fighting for control of the action, or doing any really, really confusing stuff.
2. Have fun, get a little silly.
3. Keep discussion to the discussion thread for the text adventure. You'll want it all there later.
WTF FAQ?
1. WTF? What is this?
It's a text adventure. Sorta. This is a parody of text adventure games, where you type in commands and such. I pick which commands I want to use in the game, and show you the result. Then I wait for the next batch of commands, and give you a new result.
2. How come some stuff is just text based, and some stuff has pictures?
Basically, I'd like to get to the point where it's all pictures. But for now, to get the story moving, I'm doing both. All Thawmus scenes will be text-based only, for now. All other scenes will be depicted with pictures. The difference, which you may notice quickly, is that during weekdays, I'm doing text-based only, whereas I'm using pictures at night. You may figure out my work schedule as a result of this. Eventually, we will get to the point where we will not be updating the story as frequently, so that it will just be updated at night.
3. Why is the art so horrible?
Because I'm not an artist. I'm nearly 26, and I'm just now attempting to learn to draw. Just felt like it for some reason. I have absolutely ZERO talent for it. However, I am very capable with technology, and I have an absolutely ridiculous imagination, to try and make up for it. If the art is hard on your eyes, I apologize. I'm receptive to any feedback or criticism, I just ask that you keep in mind that I do, yes, know that I suck at this. :laugh: I think it adds to the humor, though.
4. HCR? MSPA? WHAAA??
HCR= HCRealms. Y'know, the website we're on.
MSPA= MS Paint Adventures. MS Paint Adventures (http://www.mspaintadventures.com/) is a website by Andrew Hussie. He started a forum game, just like this, and it evolved into a daily webcomic, that still takes commands from readers. It's where I'm getting the inspiration to do this. If you would like to give his stuff a try, I highly recommend reading Problem Sleuth (http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=4), as it is the only game he's finished. He's currently on Homestuck.
Do not let "MS Paint" fool you. He admits himself that he's only used MS Paint for the very first page of the very first comic he did. Everything else was in Photoshop. As for me, I use GIMP, because I'm a poor person. The reason being that having layer control is almost essential for pulling something like this off. And yes, I got that tip from Andrew Hussie's FAQ.
5. Okay, I'm reading Problem Sleuth. I'm noticing similarities between it and your game???
Yeah, you probably are. I try to be as original as possible, and I don't want to use Andrew's stuff. But some schticks I've fallen in love with, such as the ITEM GLITCH. I also like to think outside the box, but yet within another, larger box. So, I'm kinda stuck in here until I can figure out what I want to break out into...
6. Do you have anything planned for this story??
About 3 seconds before it happens, yes. On rare occasion. For example, I have no idea what the inventory items I've doled out will do in the long run. Not a clue. But it'll be awesome.
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 14:08
...or we could just do another text adventure because it's way freakin' easier. ;^)
We may add pictures to this later, just an FYI.
GAME START
==========================================
You are Thawmus. It is a rainy afternoon. You are an IT Technician for a small bank in mid-Nebraska. Your boss is particularly grouchy today, so you have hid in your office.
What do you do?
BudPalmer
07/16/2009, 14:12
Can we play JKLantern, Space Farmer, an HCR MSPA Text Adventure Game?
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 14:13
=> Build fort out of office materials, complete with coffee spill moat to thwart the barbarians.
Can we play JKLantern, Space Farmer?
Certainly not at work! There are PROGRAMS which track programs that are currently installed on your WORKSTATION. You would have to wait until you GET HOME to do that!
Besides, who slacks off at work to play a game??
BudPalmer
07/16/2009, 14:17
Certainly not at work! There are PROGRAMS which track programs that are currently installed on your WORKSTATION. You would have to wait until you GET HOME to do that!
Besides, who slacks off at work to play a game??
Good point!
> Complete TPS report
Good point!
> Complete TPS report
Why, you completed it this morning, of course! It's lying right there on your DESK. Along with the TPS REPORT is your STAPLER, HIGHLIGHTER, CAN OF MOUNTAIN DEW, STRESSTABS, SUNGLASSES, and NOTEBOOK.
Your boss is looking around the office for you. She looks pissed.
What do you do?
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 14:23
=>Set fire to the office, and sneak out.
BudPalmer
07/16/2009, 14:25
> use the items at your disposal, construct a mannequin of yourself and leave it in your cube to be yelled out.
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 14:26
> use the items at your disposal, construct a mannequin of yourself and leave it in your cube to be yelled out.
I think we swapped brains, because this is MY usual MO. :laugh:
=>Set fire to the office, and sneak out.
Oh, you would love that, but you do not have anything in your INVENTORY to start a fire with!
Your boss's HYSTERIA meter is beginning to escalate.
BudPalmer
07/16/2009, 14:28
I think we swapped brains, because this is MY usual MO. :laugh:
<Checks tag> Nope! Mine still says "BudPalmer" where my mom wrote it all those years ago!
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 14:29
=> Collect items from desk, and place them in inventory. Or captchalogue them. However this game works.
St-Dumas
07/16/2009, 14:39
Seduce boss.
Get ye flask.
=> Collect items from desk, and place them in inventory. Or captchalogue them. However this game works.
You collect the items from your DESK, and place them in your inventory. You sigh a breath of relief, knowing that this game will be using a simple inventory system.
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 14:46
=>Inspect Stress Tabs.
Get ye flask.
You do not have a FLASK. Having a FLASK at work would be especially dangerous, due to the NON-ALCOHOL POLICY that your company uses.
BudPalmer
07/16/2009, 14:48
=> Mix stress tabs into Mountain Dew and offer it to boss saying, "Jeeze, you look like you could use a drink."
=>Inspect Stress Tabs.
You inspect the STRESSTABS.
https://sharedreviews.com/images/reviews/4608/stresstabs_1191516816.jpg
You've been taking these for awhile, to keep back illnesses. They work quite well, and keep you on your feet, as well as give you a NIACIN RUSH every now and then.
BudPalmer
07/16/2009, 14:51
Oh I'm pretty sure if we follow through on my plan the boss' heart will explode! I liked this job too!
=> Mix stress tabs into Mountain Dew and offer it to boss saying, "Jeeze, you look like you could use a drink."
With her HYSTERIA nearly reaching 80%? I don't think so.
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 14:53
Oh I'm pretty sure if we follow through on my plan the boss' heart will explode! I liked this job too!
My plan was to see if I could rig an explosive out of them.
BudPalmer
07/16/2009, 14:53
=> Offer massage to boss
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 14:54
=> Offer SENSUAL massage to boss
Improved it.
BudPalmer
07/16/2009, 14:55
Improved it.
That's so sexual harassment! Fired!
=> Offer massage to boss
You are not nearly INTOXICATED enough to indulge such an idea. She's got a nice body, but her skin.....needs a leather cleaner. It needs Armor AllŪ.
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 15:00
=>Combine some Stress Tabs, the Dew, and Stapler to create Armor All.
=>Combine some Stress Tabs, the Dew, and Stapler to create Armor All.
You throw a couple STRESSTABS into the CAN OF MOUNTAIN DEW, and then attempt to shove the STAPLER in as well. Unfortunately, it doesn't fit. Furthermore, the CAN OF MOUNTAIN DEW doesn't have any MOUNTAIN DEW in it. You chug those bastards too damn fast for there to actually be a full CAN in the vicinity of your OFFICE.
Your boss collapses on the way to your OFFICE. It appears that one of the HEELS on her HIGH HEELS has broken.
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 15:06
You throw a couple STRESSTABS into the CAN OF MOUNTAIN DEW, and then attempt to shove the STAPLER in as well. Unfortunately, it doesn't fit. Furthermore, the CAN OF MOUNTAIN DEW doesn't have any MOUNTAIN DEW in it. You chug those bastards too damn fast for there to actually be a full CAN in the vicinity of your OFFICE.
Your boss collapses on the way to your OFFICE. It appears that one of the HEELS on her HIGH HEELS has broken.
=>Dance in praise of ye business gods!
St-Dumas
07/16/2009, 15:11
Get another Mountain Dew. And some Fritos. Regular Fritos.
Tell boss she looks pretty.
Prank obsessive deskmate/cubicle neighbor.
ClownShoes
07/16/2009, 15:11
==>Check boss's pulse
edit: exchange regular Fritos for chili cheese variant
=>Dance in praise of ye business gods!
You dance in your office in jubilation, and praise almighty Staplor! You look at the PEACEFUL DESK CALENDAR on your DESK, that has a picture of Staplor wielding his mighty RED SWINGLINE HAMMER. Except that was June's picture. You really ought to switch to the correct month.
Your boss has noticed your dancing, and is shaking with rage. Her HYSTERIA meter has maxed out!!
I'm gonna start waiting longer for suggestions, because I would have loved to do either of those.
ClownShoes
07/16/2009, 15:18
==>explain that your meds are wearing off, and need the afternoon off, for the safety of the workplace
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 15:46
=>Get ye Chili Cheese Fritos, like Clownshoes said, because let's face it, it's a good idea.
St-Dumas
07/16/2009, 15:53
Blame ye foreign guy.
ClownShoes
07/16/2009, 16:12
=>clothesline boss. then attempt to flee the workplace since her shoes are too defective to give chase.
=>clothesline boss. then attempt to flee the workplace since her shoes are too defective to give chase.
You attempt to WRESTLE your boss with a CLOTHESLINE, but you fail in the maneuver. She steps toward you and HEADBUTTS you in the face, then proceeds to berate you as though it were but the opening of a long talk about TPS REPORTS, and getting them on her desk yesterday. Actually, it is.
If only you had more NUTRIENTS in your system. You would surely be up to the task, then.
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 17:00
=>Eat ye stapler for your daily dose of iron and aggress!
St-Dumas
07/16/2009, 17:07
Escape boss. Steal coworker's lunch from break room.
Escape boss. Steal coworker's lunch from break room.
You cannot ESCAPE! The only way out is either through her, or through the WINDOW. And you do not have enough NUTRIENTS for either task.
If only there were something in your INVENTORY already, something that had a whole bunch of VITAMINS and NUTRIENTS in it. Something that you maybe take every day?
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 17:15
=> Tear page out of NOTEBOOK and eat it, like you do everyday.
=> Tear page out of NOTEBOOK and eat it, like you do everyday.
You take a sip out of your FLASK, like you do everyday. You think this just might be the ticket!
But no, you just raise your INTOXICATED gauge to 4%. And make your boss even more furious, because of the NO ALCOHOL POLICY.
St-Dumas
07/16/2009, 17:36
Offer boss a drink and/or stress pill.
Offer boss a drink and/or stress pill.
You hold the STRESSTAB in your hand, along with your NOTEBOOK, and wonder if there were a way to COMBINE the two to resolve your NUTRIENT problem.
You instead offer them to your boss, whose HYSTERIA meter has depleted itself enough from the screaming to be able to consider the offer. She's so angry, and nobody respects her.....
She happily takes the pill, and takes a slug from your NOTEBOOK.
.........
Her HYSTERIA meter is now fluctuating between 0 and 100% rapidly. She can't decide if you're the best or the worst employee ever.
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 17:45
=>Dry hump the boss's leg.
=>Dry hump the boss's leg.
Your ARMOR ALLŪ supply is nowhere near enough to be doing that. You might as well dry hump a log wrapped in SANDPAPER, while doused in LEMON JUICE.
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 18:16
=>While boss is distracted, slay boss with stapler.
hail_eris
07/16/2009, 18:17
=> Turn off office light in the hopes that Boss will be eaten by a grue.
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 18:19
=> Turn off office light in the hopes that Boss will be eaten by a grue.
I was wondering how grue would end up factoring into this...
=> Turn off office light in the hopes that Boss will be eaten by a grue.
You shut off the LIGHT. Taking your cue, your boss shuts the DOOR to your OFFICE, and draws the SHADE for your WINDOWS.
This development is not good.
hail_eris
07/16/2009, 18:49
=> Inventory
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 18:49
You shut off the LIGHT. Taking your cue, your boss shuts the DOOR to your OFFICE, and draws the SHADE for your WINDOWS.
This development is not good.
=>Naked Time!
=> Inventory
You currently have:
TPS REPORT
STAPLER
HIGHLIGHTER
EMPTY CAN OF MOUNTAIN DEW (with 2 STRESSTABS inside)
STRESSTABS
SUNGLASSES
NOTEBOOK
In looking through your inventory, you discover a DOLLAR.
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 18:59
=>Pop some stress tabs, share notebook with boss, and enjoy naked time!
JackAssterson
07/16/2009, 19:27
=> Rename the wolf JackAssterson
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 19:27
=> Rename the wolf JackAssterson
=>Hi-five JackAssterson (The Realmser, not the Wolf).
=> Rename the wolf JackAssterson
You give your boss a play name: JackAssterson
She likes it.
This is not helping your situation at all. THINK!
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 19:47
You give your boss a play name: JackAssterson
She likes it.
This is not helping your situation at all. THINK!
=> Think with wrong head. :devious:
St-Dumas
07/16/2009, 19:49
Say "Mrs. [boss's name], are you trying to seduce me?"
St-Dumas
07/16/2009, 19:50
=> Rename the wolf JackAssterson
Now don't start that again!
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 19:54
=>Draw on self with highlighter.
Here Thawm, just enough rope to hang yourself, as it were.
=>Draw on self with highlighter.
You don't know how that would do anything, but you're willing to try it. You start to-
============================================
3196
You are a different person now. What is your name?
(I'm going to try. I suck at drawing, though.)
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 20:05
=> Rickbottom Shenkhorse the Mace.
St-Dumas
07/16/2009, 20:18
Al Caholic.
Mr. Big.
Richard Starkey Jr.
God
=> Rickbottom Shenkhorse the Mace.
Sure! Rickbottom Shekhorse the NO!!!
Try again, jackass.
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 20:19
Al Caholic.
Mr. Big.
Richard Starkey Jr.
God
I'm good with any of these.
*High Fives Dumas*
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 20:23
=>Name the character JackAssterson.
Al Caholic.
We'll take it.
You are Al Caholic. You are of latin descent. You have no idea what is in store for you today. You are at the Technology Center for a bank, in mid-Nebraska. You don't remember why.
What do you do?
3196
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 21:11
Sheesh, I go downstairs to help the furniture people know where the new furniture goes, figure I'll let someone else take a whack at the game, I come back, and nothing's changed.
=>Make forceful withdrawal using FIESTA LATIN STRENGTH!
=>Make forceful withdrawal using FIESTA LATIN STRENGTH!
http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=342&pictureid=6438
Al wants to know WTF you're talking about!
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 21:38
=>Screw the bank! We're going to destroy Taco Bell!
Space Jawa
07/16/2009, 22:21
=> Say "No Hablo Espaniol, Senior"
=>Screw the bank! We're going to destroy Taco Bell!
http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=342&pictureid=6439
With what car, numbnuts??
Space Jawa
07/16/2009, 22:32
=> My Invisible Car, duh!
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 22:35
=>With Super Speed!
=> My Invisible Car, duh!
http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=342&pictureid=6439
You don't remember having an invisible car. Matter of fact, if you did have an invisible car, you did a really bangup job of parking it. How would you keep someone from smashing it up when they park here?
Y'know, there's a reason you're here. Perhaps if you were to check your pockets for clues, or knock on the door, you'd PROGRESS.
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 22:39
=> Kick open door.
=> Kick open door.
http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=342&pictureid=6440
You decide to kick open the door, because knobs are for girls. However, before you do, you switch blankets, to one that is easier to draw. If you were an artist drawing it. Or someone pretending to be one.
In any case, you make your way inside, hands to the side, ready to draw your guns if necessary. Which is silly, since you're not even in a bank, you're in the IT department for a bank. Nothing but sissies here. The fact that you don't have any guns, doesn't seem to phase you at all.
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 23:23
=> Give occupants the LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY Eye.
St-Dumas
07/16/2009, 23:25
Make my real name Alberto Ricardo Frederico Domingo Gonzales Caholic.
Check inventory.
JackAssterson
07/16/2009, 23:47
With what car, numbnuts??
=> Take numb nuts
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 23:52
=> Take numb nuts
If we have numb nuts, that suggests a lack of nervous activity, which could be from lack of blood flow.
=>Call 911, to save the nuts!
St-Dumas
07/16/2009, 23:57
If we have numb nuts, that suggests a lack of nervous activity, which could be from lack of blood flow.
Or frostbite.
=> Warm nuts.
JKLantern
07/16/2009, 23:58
Or frostbite.
=> Warm nuts.
We must save the nuts!
Check inventory.
=> Give occupants the LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY Eye.
Two-fer, since I'm going to bed early, and I won't be able to draw pictures again until tomorrow night.
http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=342&pictureid=6441
Your eyes get pretty lazy. You also check your INVENTORY.
You have a SHOTGUN, UMBRELLA, DICE, and a WHITE GLOVE. You discover a CARROT under your HAT. And that seems pretty damn silly.
St-Dumas
07/17/2009, 00:01
We must save the nuts!
By making the nuts hot!
Trust me, there's nothing better than hot nuts.
Space Jawa
07/17/2009, 00:05
=> Examine the room.
So, I'm afraid to ask, but is anyone enjoying the incredibly awful art?
JKLantern
07/17/2009, 00:10
Yes. Yes I am. Especially your take on the LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY eye.
St-Dumas
07/17/2009, 00:14
I dig it.
=> Put on white glove.
=> Pull out shotgun. Make following announcement:
"Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up! See this? This...is my BOOMSTICK!!"
Yes. Yes I am. Especially your take on the LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY eye.
I was gonna try and animate one of them going all over hell, but I haven't figured out how to do that yet.
This would maybe be a lot easier in Photoshop, but GIMP is free.
EDIT: change out "Maybe" with "Probably"
Space Jawa
07/17/2009, 02:35
So, I'm afraid to ask, but is anyone enjoying the incredibly awful art?
It has it's charm.
St-Dumas
07/17/2009, 03:18
What happened to Al's cigarette?
=> Pull out shotgun. Make following announcement:
"Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up! See this? This...is my BOOMSTICK!!"
This sounds dangerous, but we'll try it. You start to-
==========================================
You are now Thawmus again.
You begin drawing a smiley face on your stomach with the HIGHLIGHTER. It's pretty silly looking. Or at least, you'd like to think so. You can't see it, because you're in a pitch-black room with your drunk/insane boss. You can feel her breath on the back of your neck. This is very bad! You better resolve your NUTRIENTS issue very quickly, or you're going to die*!
*Sandpaper death.
ClownShoes
07/17/2009, 09:20
=>find vending machine to buy Chilli Cheese Fritos w/ dollar
=>find vending machine to buy Chilli Cheese Fritos w/ dollar
You don't recall there being a vending machine in your department. Nevertheless, you attempt to go find one. Unfortunately, a scaly sandpaper arm wraps itself around your neck, keeping you from leaving.
"Don't go just yet..." She says.
Perhaps now would be a good time to go back and look at your inventory...
ClownShoes
07/17/2009, 09:58
=>attempt to derive nutrients from stresstabs or eat the carrot that was in your hat
=>attempt to derive nutrients from stresstabs or eat the carrot that was in your hat
You're pretty sure there's never been a CARROT in the room. And that you left your HAT at home.
STRESSTABS, however, you have a ridiculous supply of. You throw one down the gullet, and take a belt from your NOTEBOOK to wash it down.
Your NUTRIENTS gauge has reached 75%, and it's climbing.
Your INTOXICATION meter has reached 8%
You can feel your strength returning to you.
JKLantern
07/17/2009, 11:28
=>Apply stapler to boss.
=>Apply stapler to boss.
You shoot your boss with the NAILGUN. She screams as she lets go of your neck, and falls back against the wall. You flip on the light, and shoot nails into her clothing, pinning her to the wall. She screams about the nail that you shot into her left knee, but you ignore her. You then shut off the light, and walk out of your office. It's about time you got your Frito on.
You then hear a scream from inside your office. You go back in to tell her to shut up, but there's nothing but a bloodstain on the wall, with a bunch of nails and torn clothing. Looks like that grue finally got her.
JKLantern
07/17/2009, 13:09
=>Loot Boss Remains.
=>Loot Boss Remains.
The only thing left of her is her HYSTERIA meter lying on the floor of your office. You decide that it's best if that just stays there.
Unfortunately, in searching for things to loot, you get some BLOOD on your hands. As you walk out of your office, several of your coworkers see this, and panic. Three of them run for the door, knocking over a man waiting at the front counter. Another runs to their CUBICLE, undoubtedly to call the police. Two OFFICE doors slam shut, and you can hear the locking mechanisms engage.
Your INTOXICATION level has decreased to 6% due to the panic.
Your NUTRIENTS level has increased to 80%
Good ol' STRESSTABS...
JKLantern
07/17/2009, 13:21
=>Attack coworkers with highlighter.
ClownShoes
07/17/2009, 13:44
=>ask the man at the counter how you can help him (act like nothing's wrong)
hail_eris
07/17/2009, 13:45
=> SAY "Call the police! BOSS was just abducted by a man with a SHOTGUN! I'm going to get HELP!"
=> Leave office.
JKLantern
07/17/2009, 13:46
(And now you see why, when I play DND, the decision making is generally kept as far away from me as possible.)
I like all three of those. I'm going to lunch. I'll deliberate then.
=>Attack coworkers with highlighter.
=>ask the man at the counter how you can help him (act like nothing's wrong)
=> SAY "Call the police! BOSS was just abducted by a man with a SHOTGUN! I'm going to get HELP!"
=> Leave office.
Threefer!
You yell out, "Call the police! BOSS was just abducted by a man with a SHOTGUN! I'm going to get HELP!" And then make your way for the EXIT.
Two men step out from one of the OFFICES, and are puzzled. Probably because of the way you enunciated that sentence. But maybe because you're getting help OUTSIDE. One of them approaches you, and stands in your way.
"Now, Thawmus, I don't think you should go anywhere until the police get here..."
Your NUTRIENTS level reaches 85%. You equip the HIGHLIGHTER, and WRESTLE him with it. You think his name is maybe Rick, or Bob, or something like that. In any case, in what sounds as though a NAIL was being pounded through a BOARD, you slam the HIGHLIGHTER up Rick/Bob's nose. He falls to his knees, and his eyes roll back.
=========>Rick/Bob has been defeated.<============
The other man steps away, noticing the "XP: 128" appearing over your head. He does not want to be your next EXPERIENCE gain.
You then approach the man at the counter. He looks to be a man of Latino descent, and the blanket and sombrero speak to that. You decide to greet him in Spanish.
"Hola, Senor! Mi casa es su casa!"
He seems pretty pissed about that, but you're not sure why.
Meanwhile, you hear sirens in the distance.
Your INTOXICATION level has dropped to 4%
Your NUTRIENTS level has increased to 90%
JKLantern
07/17/2009, 14:28
AC=>Shoot window with UMBRELLA.
AC=>Shoot window with UMBRELLA.
The "AC" command is not currently recognized.
JKLantern
07/17/2009, 14:39
=>Be Al Coholic
=>Be Al Coholic
You carry a NOTEBOOK to a workplace that prohibits ALCOHOL. Mission accomplished, I think.
ClownShoes
07/17/2009, 14:43
=>hold latino hostage with HIGHLIGHTER and attempt your escape
=>hold latino hostage with HIGHLIGHTER and attempt your escape
I'm afraid the HIGHLIGHTER was forfeit when you jammed it up Rick/Bob's nose. Your NUTRIENTS level was far too high when you performed that WRESTLE. Barring an on-site surgical removal of the HIGHLIGHTER, he's dead.
JKLantern
07/17/2009, 14:54
=> Give Latino a swig of your Notebook.
=> Give Latino a swig of your Notebook.
You offer him some of your NOTEBOOK, but he politely refuses. He then explains, in perfect, unaccented English: "I don't drink."
The sirens are getting extremely close, now. You don't have much time to act!
JKLantern
07/17/2009, 15:14
=>Sepulchritude!
St-Dumas
07/17/2009, 15:38
=> Go into elevator and hide there until the heat's off.
=> Go into elevator and hide there until the heat's off.
You search frantically for an ELEVATOR to hide in, until it dawns on you that you work in a one-story building.
Your NUTRIENTS level has reached 95%
JKLantern
07/17/2009, 15:41
=>Hide in Latino Sombrero.
=> Have flashback to review situation for anyone coming late into the game
=> Have flashback to review situation for anyone coming late into the game
Certainly!
The game began with Text-only. The player is Thawmus, an IT Technician at a small bank in mid-Nebraska. He collected several ITEMS from his DESK, and added them to his INVENTORY. His boss was running around, having her HYSTERIA meter quickly build, as she looked around for him. He screwed around in his office a bit, and discovered an ITEM GLITCH with his NOTEBOOK, which acts as a FLASK full of ALCOHOL. His boss came in, and after some really stupid actions, ended up in a dark room with her, door closed.
We were then taken to Al Coholic, a man of Latin descent, who was standing outside of the very same building. After giving up his dreams of destroying the nearest Taco Bell, he went inside, and checked his INVENTORY. Al was depicted via pictures, instead of just text.
We were then taken back to Thawmus. He succeeded in taking a STRESSTAB along with a swig of his NOTEBOOK, resolving his NUTRIENTS deficiency. He then proceeded to use an unforeseen ITEM GLITCH with his STAPLER, utilizing it as a NAIL GUN on his boss, nailing her to the wall. He left the office, only to have her be killed and eaten by a GRUE. The only remains is her HYSTERIA meter, lying on the floor. He then attempted to leave, but the blood on his hands alerted his coworkers, who notified the police. One man attempted to stop Thawmus, but Thawmus' NUTRIENTS level was sufficient to slam his HIGHLIGHTER up the man's nose, sufficiently incapacitating him (might end up killing him).
Currently, we are playing as Thawmus.
Thawmus' INVENTORY:
TPS REPORT
STAPLER
EMPTY CAN OF MOUNTAIN DEW (with 2 STRESSTABS inside)
STRESSTABS
SUNGLASSES
NOTEBOOK
Al Coholic's INVENTORY:
SHOTGUN
UMBRELLA
TWO 6-SIDED DICE
WHITE GLOVE
CARROT (kept under SOMBRERO)
Thawmus' NUTRIENTS level is at 95%
Thawmus' INTOXICATION level is at 4%
The police sirens are getting very close, they could be busting down the door in any moment.
=> Take dice from Al Coholic and attempt a Saving Throw.
=> Take dice from Al Coholic and attempt a Saving Throw.
I'm afraid you don't know anyone by that name. However, you're desperate for a SAVE, due to the increasingly loud sirens. You WRESTLE the Latino man in the face with your right fist, knocking him to the ground, unconscious. You really should be more careful, your NUTRIENTS meter is at 95%! You could have killed him!
You search his body for some dice, and find TWO SIX-SIDED DICE. You roll, hoping that you can escape your fate.
Snake eyes.
Time to run.
=>Recover dice for future use. Put on sunglasses to look really cool---AND THEN RUN LIKE A GAZELLE AWAY FROM THE APPROACHING SIRENS!!!!
=>Recover dice for future use. Put on sunglasses to look really cool---AND THEN RUN LIKE A GAZELLE AWAY FROM THE APPROACHING SIRENS!!!!
You add the DICE to your INVENTORY. You may need to attempt another SAVE in the future. You then EQUIP your SUNGLASSES. Two needles climb out of the temples of the SUNGLASSES, and then insert themselves into your temples. Your vision blurs for a moment, and then becomes X-RAY VISION. A BATTERY meter appears on the right lens. It appears you only have enough juice for 10 minutes of usage.
With your NUTRIENTS level reaching 100%, you run away from the front door, and smash a hole through the back wall. Diving into the rain, you make good your escape, bringing your running speed up to about 35 MPH.
Where should you go?
Your HOME is 10 minutes away, at this pace.
Your FRIENDS are 2 hours away, at this pace.
Your FAMILY is several days away, at this pace.
Enter your choice below:
Where should you go?
Your HOME is 10 minutes away, at this pace.
Your FRIENDS are 2 hours away, at this pace.
Your FAMILY is several days away, at this pace.
Enter your choice below:
=> Home
=>Take off glasses to preserve batteries.
St-Dumas
07/17/2009, 16:41
=> Go home.
=> If stopped by cops, blame foreign guy.
JKLantern
07/17/2009, 16:43
=>Mooch off family.
=> Home
=>Take off glasses to preserve batteries.
You decide to take off your SUNGLASSES first, because it would be really stupid of the game to make you waste your batteries running HOME, instead of just taking them off.
You race HOME, utilizing several back roads, and navigating down alleys. It's pretty easy to evade the police when you're able to take foot routes at 35 MPH.
When you get HOME, you feel rather tired. Your SHAPE score is terribly low, despite your BUILD score. Your NUTRIENTS level has dropped down to 40%, and it's still dropping. You enter your HOME, you immediately gain 400 XP for discovery.
Thawmus has gained a Level!
Thawmus
Level 2
IT Technician
SHAPE - 3 (+1)
BUILD- 16
UNIQUOSITY- 18
TECH- 18
INEBRIORITY- 10
PENMANSHIP - 13
Thawmus now has HYPOCHONDRIA=>HYPOGLYCEMIA. This is his first HYPOCHONDRIA tech known.
Thawmus has learned LOGICAL DICTATORSHIP for his WRESTLE.
You are now in your APARTMENT. It is a rather spacious HOME for a single guy. Your COMPUTER is in the LIVING ROOM, along with your TV, XBOX, XBOX, WII, and KATANA. In the KITCHEN, you have a large TABLE, along with an assortment of D&D 3.5 BOOKS, as well as the usual appliances. In the BEDROOM, you have a BED, and a ton of CLOTHES on the floor. In the BATHROOM, you have a HOMICIDAL MANIAC with a KNIFE staring at you.
JKLantern
07/17/2009, 17:01
=>Give maniac Stress tab.
=>Invite HOMICIDAL MANIAC to play "Call of Duty 2" on XBox
=>Give maniac Stress tab.
http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=4&p=000947
The bee's face.
=>Invite HOMICIDAL MANIAC to play "Call of Duty 2" on XBox
You attempt to reason with the MANIAC.
"Look man, I've already been responsible for 2 deaths today. Don't make it 3. Let's go play some Call of Duty 2."
It appears that he is placated by the idea, and puts away his KNIFE. He motions for you to lead the way.
=> Inisert Call of Duty 2 into XBox. Ask MANIAC if he would like to play the Allies or the Germans.
=> Inisert Call of Duty 2 into XBox. Ask MANIAC if he would like to play the Allies or the Germans.
There's a snag in that plan, it seems. You do not possess a copy of any version of Call of Duty!!!
The MANIAC fidgets in his CHAIR. His PATIENCE meter is beginning to drain.
=>Quickly examines games to see what is available
JKLantern
07/17/2009, 17:42
=>Offer Maniac a swig of your notebook while he waits for you to find adequate replacement game.
St-Dumas
07/17/2009, 17:42
=> Get katana.
=> Prepare for super awesome samurai showdown of doom with maniac.
=> Ask maniac's name.
=>Quickly examines games to see what is available
Let's see, we've got Crackdown, Left 4 Dead, Halo 3, Gears of War, Gears of War 2, Dynasty Warriors Gundam 2, DragonballZ Burst Limit, SvR 2007, Madden '08, Dead Rising, BioShock, OOOH!!! SUNNY D!
JKLantern
07/17/2009, 17:44
=> Ask Maniac if Left 4 Dead is okay.
=> Get katana.
You add the KATANA to your INVENTORY.
=> Prepare for super awesome samurai showdown of doom with maniac.
At a NUTRIENT level of 30%, you can't even wield your KATANA, much less use your WRESTLE.
=> Ask maniac's name.
He just stares off into the distance, while he touches the handle of his KNIFE.
=> Ask Maniac if Left 4 Dead is okay.
He merely grunts. You pop the GAME DISC in.
You hear some footsteps outside your DOOR.
JKLantern
07/17/2009, 17:49
=>Invite footsteps in! Left 4 Dead is fun with more players!
=>Invite footsteps in! Left 4 Dead is fun with more players!
Good idea! You go for the door. Because it is completely out of the range of possibility for this to be the police, the MANIAC's friend, or any of the people you've hurt today. Surely this guy will just want to play video games.
=================================
http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=342&pictureid=6443
You are now Al Caholic. All commands for Thawmus will not be recognized for the time being.
You wake up, with a splitting headache. It seems that crazy jackass knocked you out. Thawmus, you think you heard. Thawmus, is the name of that jackass. You can see plainly over in the corner is the guy that tried to stop him. He's still having spasms from having a HIGHLIGHTER slammed up his left nostril. Considering the SHIRT the guy wears, he probably deserves it.
WTF FAQ is now posted in the OP for the thread.
JKLantern
07/17/2009, 20:29
=> Pick up hat, loot corpse.
St-Dumas
07/17/2009, 20:47
=> Put on white glove.
=> Pick up hat, loot corpse.
=> Put on white glove.
http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=342&pictureid=6445
You put your HAT back on. You're happy to know that your CARROT is still safe inside. However, someone took your ####ing DICE!!! :angry:
http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=342&pictureid=6446
You stand up, and EQUIP the WHITE LATEX GLOVE.
http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=342&pictureid=6447
You loot the body. Your WHITE LATEX GLOVE is not involved in the operation. Promise. You discover a SNEAKER, FOOT-POWERED TIRE PUMP, a DOLLAR, and something I'M NOT GOING TO NAME. Probably because I was lying about how your WHITE LATEX GLOVE wasn't involved with the looting. *snicker*
You add the TIRE PUMP, SNEAKER, and DOLLAR to your INVENTORY.
The man looks like he could use some help. He's not breathing too well. If you were to find a way to get that HIGHLIGHTER out, you could resuscitate him. And he might know where Thawmus lives.
JKLantern
07/17/2009, 23:13
=>Use UMBRELLA on man.
loganspeedo
07/17/2009, 23:32
Stick tire pump in man's other nostril and begin pumping.
St-Dumas
07/17/2009, 23:38
=> Walk to Taco Bell. That place still needs destroyin'.
Stick tire pump in man's other nostril and begin pumping.
http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=342&pictureid=6448
You plug the TIRE PUMP into his right nostril, and slam your foot down. The HIGHLIGHTER pops out of his nose. It has BLOOD and MUCUS all over it.
The guy is still out. It might be awhile before he wakes up. In the meantime, you could maybe try and remember why you're here. It may help to investigate some of your INVENTORY.
JKLantern
07/18/2009, 00:53
=>Draw on man with highlighter.
St-Dumas
07/18/2009, 00:54
=> Remember why i'm here.
=> Check on current numbness of nuts.
I'm going to bed, fellas. I'm gonna be on the road tomorrow, so I'll try and squeeze in something tomorrow morning. Other than that, probably won't be anything until Sunday.
JKLantern
07/18/2009, 01:20
I'm going to bed, fellas. I'm gonna be on the road tomorrow, so I'll try and squeeze in something tomorrow morning. Other than that, probably won't be anything until Sunday.
Coincidentally, neither will I.
loganspeedo
07/18/2009, 03:25
Eat Carrot and Rob bank with Shotgun
=> Remember why i'm here.
=> Check on current numbness of nuts.
http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=342&pictureid=6449
You don't remember why you're here. That's why you came inside, remember? In any case, you check over your INVENTORY.
INVENTORY:
SHOTGUN
DOLLAR
SNEAKER
UMBRELLA
HAT:
CARROT
You also check the NUMBNESS of your NUTS.
You are at 0% NUMBNESS currently.
=>Draw on man with highlighter.
http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=342&pictureid=6450
You check to see if you have a HIGHLIGHTER in your INVENTORY that you just might not know about. You don't. You realize that you were intending to pick up the one on the floor, and hurl a little in your mouth. That's not going to happen anytime soon.
Eat Carrot and Rob bank with Shotgun
http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=342&pictureid=6451
You do not have a SHOTGUN. Matter of fact, you're pretty sure you've never had a SHOTGUN in your possession. That'd just be dangerous! I mean, walking into a bank's IT department with a SHOTGUN handy? That's just asking for a problem!
http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=342&pictureid=6452
However, you do manage to eat the CARROT under your HAT. You weep a little, knowing that your only companion must take one for the team.
Your READING meter maxes out at 100%, due to the improved EYESIGHT. It never occurred to you that you need GLASSES to read, probably because you don't remember anything.
Looks like that might be it until Sunday. Have a fun Saturday, folks!
Looks like my digital tablet should be here sometime next week. I'm looking forward to giving it a try. I won't promise that it makes the drawings any better, but they'll be more detailed, for sure.
loganspeedo
07/18/2009, 13:59
inspect inventory
JKLantern
07/19/2009, 13:16
=>Pick up highlighter.
inspect inventory
http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=342&pictureid=6455
You know the rest of your INVENTORY, but you don't recall the NOTE being there. Upon closer inspection, thanks to your READING level being so high, you determine that this is, in fact, your RESUME. It suddenly dawns on you that you were probably here to drop this off. Looks like Thawmus has screwed you out of more than just a period of consciousness.
=>Pick up highlighter.
http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=342&pictureid=6456
For the last time, NO!!
JackAssterson
07/19/2009, 22:19
=> Realize I look like Freddy Krueger.
=> Keep wary eye out for anyone in Hockey Mask
JKLantern
07/19/2009, 22:21
=>Man up.
=> Pick up highligher.
St-Dumas
07/19/2009, 22:21
=> Go apply for job at Taco Bell. Then destroy it.
JackAssterson
07/19/2009, 22:23
=>Man up.
=> Pick up highligher.
=> realize that by attaching highlighter to glove finger, one step towards looking even more like Freddy will be complete
=> consider the nobility of this goal
JKLantern
07/19/2009, 22:26
=> realize that by attaching highlighter to glove finger, one step towards looking even more like Freddy will be complete
=> consider the nobility of this goal
=> Consider how awesome nobility would make life.
Well, I'm calling it a night. I was gonna do more, but I had a chance to get our D&D group together today, and I took it. And then I played Starcraft with my brother tonight (he lives far away). So....yeah...
I'll try and put something up over my lunch hour tomorrow.
JKLantern
07/20/2009, 00:07
Well, I'm calling it a night. I was gonna do more, but I had a chance to get our D&D group together today, and I took it. And then I played Starcraft with my brother tonight (he lives far away). So....yeah...
I'll try and put something up over my lunch hour tomorrow.
That's fine. We know you're doing this for fun in your spare time.
(My brother and I do interweb Monopoly.)
Saw this tonight, btw. Andrew is my hero.
http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=002288
There's sound!!
St-Dumas
07/20/2009, 00:26
But answer me this: Did we destroy Taco Bell?
JackAssterson
07/20/2009, 00:35
Well, I'm calling it a night.
=> Rename a night JackAssterson
JKLantern
07/20/2009, 00:38
=> Rename a night JackAssterson
Done. All night phases are now JackAssterson.
St-Dumas
07/20/2009, 00:49
Coincidentally, the word "knight" is also replaced by JackAssterson.
Example: Last JackAssterson, "The Dark JackAssterson" was on television. You probably didn't get it because you don't have premium channels. Like me.
loganspeedo
07/20/2009, 01:03
Apply for position left open by missing boss of Thawmus
JKLantern
07/20/2009, 01:15
Apply for position left open by missing boss of Thawmus
Sad part is, of all the options he's been given, I think this is the one Thawm's most likely to go for! :laugh:
You are Thawmus. Commands for Al Caholic will not be recognized for the time being.
You decide to get up and invite the people outside. However, in doing so, you cross your kitchen table, and spill your D&D folder onto the floor. You quickly clean up the mess, and come across an old character sheet. You read it over carefully, remembering the fun you had with this one.
The character is Thawmus, a half-orc Barbarian. He was level 21 when you stopped playing with him. He was a Barbarian/Frenzied Berserker, who didn't have even half a brain, but he always made up for it with brawn. The memories flood back to you of his adventures. When a Troll Sorceror traveled through time to give him a time-traveling Axe, when he would occasionally have a moment of brilliance (that was never truly explained in the campaign, ever), when he would take up defense cases (usually for party members), and win them in court, despite his stupidity. Ah, what was his W-L ratio? 11-1, I believe.
How long has it been? 3 years? 4 years? You're not sure anymore. You miss this guy terribly, though. Sure, he's just another incarnation of Thawmus, but this was one of the originals. You add the CHARACTER SHEET to your INVENTORY.
The footsteps at the door have stopped. Now you just hear whispering. You make out at least 3 voices, but can't understand what they're saying.
JackAssterson
07/20/2009, 09:49
Now you just hear whispering. You make out at least 3 voices, but can't understand what they're saying.
=> Strongly ponder this possibility re: voices:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjnFX8KHSOs
=> Failing that awesome possibility, listen at door to hear that which is being said.
=> Strongly ponder this possibility re: voices:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjnFX8KHSOs
=> Failing that awesome possibility, listen at door to hear that which is being said.
You approach the door, while chanting:
"1.....2.....Freddy's coming for you....3......4......I'mma open the ####ing door!!"
You open it quickly....
=>Scream loudly at the sight of whomever is at the door--regardless of who it might actually be.
=>Scream loudly at the sight of whomever is at the door--regardless of who it might actually be.
You come out the door, screaming at the top of your lungs....at the SMALL PACKAGE at your doorstep. You begin to wonder if announcing your opening of the door was such a good idea. Furthermore, you can hear one of your neighbors in your APARTMENT COMPLEX get really pissed off about the noise. It's probably SAM. You are afraid of SAM.
=> Pick up package--sniff it cautiously and listen for any ticking sound from inside. Theorize it will turn out to contain Gywneth Paltrow's head.
loganspeedo
07/20/2009, 12:36
Wonder if SAM is a woman, pick up and open small package, and try to find some Chili Cheese Fritos in the Kitchen
Wonder if SAM is a woman, pick up and open small package, and try to find some Chili Cheese Fritos in the Kitchen
(BTW, when I'm picking these, I'm trying to spread the love as much as possible, so if I ignore you for like 5 in a row, let me know!)
You ponder the idea of SAM being a woman. That idea is pretty preposterously pondered! Not only because the adverbs describing the ponderage alliterate with "pondered", but because SAM is, quite definitely, not a woman.
And yet.....you still wonder....
You shake your head free from this tangential internal discussion, and pick up the SMALL PACKAGE. You add it to your ever-growing INVENTORY. Unfortunately, as you attempt to walk back inside, you are barred from doing so. A small message box pops up in front of the doorway, floating in the space in front of you. It reads: "Your INVENTORY has too many items!"
It seems there is a restriction to your INVENTORY after all....
You must act swiftly, your NUTRIENTS level has fallen to 20%
JKLantern
07/20/2009, 14:06
=>Become a grue and eat the MANIAC.
JackAssterson
07/20/2009, 14:08
=> In light of SMALL PACKAGE, check SELF ESTEEM
St-Dumas
07/20/2009, 14:08
Become a third, more interesting person.
JKLantern
07/20/2009, 14:09
=> In light of SMALL PACKAGE, check SELF ESTEEM
=>Dial one of those package enlarging infomercials on the phone. Or get a sports car. Whichever is more feasible.
Review INVENTORY.
Certainly!
CHARACTER SHEET
SMALL PACKAGE
TPS REPORT
STAPLER
EMPTY CAN OF MOUNTAIN DEW (with 2 STRESSTABS inside)
STRESSTABS
SUNGLASSES
NOTEBOOK
DICE
(Where should I keep this stuff?? That was a pain to find)
Wasn't there a pair of dice looted off a body earlier in the game.
Anyway:
=> Drop STAPLER
Wasn't there a pair of dice looted off a body earlier in the game.
Actually, it was after our last INVENTORY check, which is why I forgot about those. I was wondering why we weren't at 9....editing last post...
Anyway:
=> Drop STAPLER
You drop the HIGH POWERED NAIL GUN onto the floor, and walk inside, closing and locking the DOOR behind you.
=>Check Fridge for NUTRIENTS
=>Check Fridge for NUTRIENTS
Well, you got a package of PEPPERONI, some MILK, EGGS, MOUNTAIN DEW, WATER, WINE, BEER, CHEESE, OOOOH! SUNNY D!!!
JKLantern
07/20/2009, 14:41
=>What kind of cheese?
=>What kind of cheese?
SHREDDED MOZZERELLA
It appears you may have been preparing to make PIZZA. Which makes sense, because you're always ready to throw down some dough and make PIZZA, BOYEEE!
=> Guzzle half the MOUNTAIN DEW, burp loudly, offer remaining MOUNTAIN DEW to MANIAC
JKLantern
07/20/2009, 14:44
=>Any dough?
=>Any dough?
You search the KITCHEN for some DOUGH, and find a package of PIZZA CRUST in the pantry, along with some PIZZA SAUCE.
Damn, you don't mess around.
JKLantern
07/20/2009, 14:56
=>Combat Modus: 'Za-mageddon!
=>Combat Modus: 'Za-mageddon!
You really think you have time for making 'Za?
Let's review:
1. You were the last known person with your boss, who was killed without any witnesses. Her blood is on your hands.
2. You shoved a HIGHLIGHTER so far up your coworker's nose, that he lost consciousness.
3. You smashed through a wall, and ran at 35 MPH through a city. Someone saw that ####.
4. Strange voices were heard outside, and when you attempted to catch them off guard, they disappeared, leaving a package you haven't bothered opening.
5. You have a HOMICIDAL MANIAC with a KNIFE in your APARTMENT, and you haven't kept tabs on him for the past minute or so. And last you checked, his PATIENCE METER was nearly depleted.
You might want to consider the notion that-
Oh...
You put the PIZZA in the oven already. Well the hell with you....
=> Open SMALL PACKAGE
You open the PACKAGE. Inside, you find a hat. You're a little bummed out, because it's too small for your head. However, as soon as you take it out of the box, it quickly re-sizes itself. Now you're bummed that it's not some cool looking hat, instead of just a hat. It quickly transforms itself into a RED FEDORA.
Whatever the hell this thing is, it's awesome.
=> Imagine hat as beany with a little propellor on top.
JKLantern
07/20/2009, 15:26
=>Rename the RED FEDORA BEANIE the ZA FEDORA BEANIE!
=>Don ZA FEDORA BEANIE!
Turn Fedora into Fedora Beanie. Then put it on.
You get a little depressed that the FEDORA isn't a FEDORA with a PROPELLER on top. You are happy to see the HAT grow a PROPELLER.
Now, I must warn you, putting the FEDORA on could be a bad idea. It's a good RPG rule of thumb to always correctly identify any sort of magic or technology before you use it. And this could easily be both. This could do something terrible to you, are you sure you want to do this?
You're not even listening to me, are you? Yeah, that's what I thought. You're already putting the damn thing on. I hate you.
Luckily, nothing happens. The HAT is a good fit for you, as you expected. You spin the PROPELLER in glee.
JKLantern
07/20/2009, 16:46
=>Imagine the ZA FEDORA BEANIE shooting a laser and eradicating the MANIAC.
=>Imagine the ZA FEDORA BEANIE shooting a laser and eradicating the MANIAC.
You run back into your LIVING ROOM and scream, whilst pointing your dome forward, "LASER BEAM ATTACK!!!"
Nothing happens. Not only that, the HOMICIDAL MANIAC isn't there.
JKLantern
07/20/2009, 17:17
=>Play with ZA FEDORA BEANIE!
St-Dumas
07/20/2009, 18:22
=> See if MANIAC stole anything.
JKLantern
07/20/2009, 19:28
=> Defile the spot on the couch where the Maniac was sitting.
=> See if MANIAC stole anything.
It does not look like he did. Which is to be expected, since he's a HOMICIDAL MANIAC, and not a MURDEROUS THIEF. Those MURDEROUS THIEVES are some serious business.
It looks like you have a couple emails on your COMPUTER, though.
(I'm sticking to Thawmus for the night, because I'm practicing my drawing. Thawmus needs to catch up chronologically to Al anyways)
JKLantern
07/20/2009, 20:26
=>Ignore e-mail and watch porn.
(JKLantern is a terrible Thawmus.)
A-any other suggestions?? :nervous:
JKLantern
07/20/2009, 21:03
=>Read the e-mails, and THEN watch porn.
St-Dumas
07/20/2009, 21:45
=> Close the door.
=> Become a third, more interesting person.
JKLantern
07/20/2009, 21:49
=>Close the door, read the e-mails, THEN porn. :laugh:
=>Read the e-mails, and THEN watch porn.
Acceptable! *ding!* (Bonus points if you name where that's from)
You read the emails. The first is from your mom. She says hi. The second is from your brother. He informs you that, yet again, you're probably missing out on an important news story. After he berates you for your ignorance, he gives you a helpful link to a video feed.
According to the video, there's been a lock-down in Omaha. It seems the military has quarantined the city, effectively cutting off all Interstate traffic. There's lots of theories floating around, such as a virus, terrorist attack, zombie invasion, alien invasion, sewer overflow, they have no idea. The only thing people have noticed is that while people are fighting to get in or through the city, there is nobody visibly attempting to get out. Of course, the media is assuming the worst. You decide that you should as well.
You come back to the email, to respond to your brother.
"Hey man, thanks for the heads up. Any theories? Call me on my cell, would ya?"
You get up from the COMPUTER, realizing you don't have your CELLPHONE on you. And considering how intelligent your brother is, you really need to answer that when he calls. He'll probably have this thing down to a "T"
It occurs to you that you also wanted to get your porn on. But you think that's pretty much asking to get stabbed in the back. Speaking of which, where is that guy?
St-Dumas
07/20/2009, 22:21
=> Turn hat into x-ray goggles. Look for MANIAC (Whose name is now Mick, as per executive order of Dumas).
=> Turn into a third, more interesting person.
JKLantern
07/20/2009, 23:07
=>Check bathroom, for phone, maniacs, grue, and errant floozies.
=> Turn hat into x-ray goggles. Look for Mick
You try and make your HAT do stuff, but it refuses. You'd think you'd have learned by now that it doesn't just transform into whatever the wearer desires, when the laser didn't work. But no, you try again anyways. I hate you so much, Thawmus.
You don't give up hope, however. You put on your SUNGLASSES, which give you X-RAY VISION.
Ah, there's Mick. He's hanging out in your BATHROOM again, KNIFE at the ready. He's so silly!
You hear sirens, and then you just hear a lot of cars in the parking lot.
Your NUTRIENTS level has dropped to 10%.
JKLantern
07/20/2009, 23:40
=>Za Status Report! (I know I have stress tabs, but SCREW THOSE! WE HAVE ZA!)
=>Za Status Report! (I know I have stress tabs, but SCREW THOSE! WE HAVE ZA!)
The TIMER on your MICROWAVE (which you use the TIMER function on, because EGG TIMERS are for WOMEN and CHICKENS), shows 5 minutes remaining.
You can hear men charging up both staircases surrounding your APARTMENT. They're yelling all sorts of stuff to each other.
Your NUTRIENTS level is at 5%. You stumble a bit in the KITCHEN. Your HYPOGLYCEMIA is getting the best of you!
JKLantern
07/20/2009, 23:58
=>Fine, I'll pop some damn stress tabs.
=>Fine, I'll pop some damn stress tabs.
With the last of your NUTRIENTS, you toss a STRESSTAB into your mouth. You reach into the fridge, pull out another CAN of MOUNTAIN DEW, and slam it down.
You choke a little bit, because you're being a dumbass about the whole thing, but you quickly recover.
Your NUTRIENTS level spikes to 70%
It occurs to you that they're going to break the DOORS down. You're going to have to think fast.
JKLantern
07/21/2009, 00:18
=>Break open the front of the microwave and point it at the oncoming cops/mob of people you've wronged horribly.
(Sorry Za. :()
St-Dumas
07/21/2009, 01:56
=> Go to bathroom.
=> Ask Mick the Maniac to help you escape the cops.
loganspeedo
07/21/2009, 02:59
Make sign pointing to bathroom and hide in kitchen in hopes of saving the pizza by giving the police a better target to arrest
=> Go to bathroom.
=> Ask Mick the Maniac to help you escape the cops.
You look again at Mick with your X-RAY VISION. He's climbing out the window in the BATHROOM. You do another sweep with your X-RAY VISION, and determine that all the cops are on the North and South ends of the building.
Screw Mick. It's every man for himself.
Your NUTRIENTS level reaches 85%, it's climbing rapidly.
You dash for the LIVING ROOM, and equip the KATANA. You then try and jump out the window to the EAST. You smash into the glass. Yes! YES!
NO!!!! You fall back from the window. It's reinforced! The cops fly in from both DOORS, and yell "FREEZE!" Looks like it's SWAT. They've got MACHINE GUNS and SHOTGUNS trained on you.
=> Surrender and demand to speak to famed criminal attorney Perry Mason.
=> Surrender and demand to speak to famed criminal attorney Perry Mason.
You put your hands in the air, holding the KATANA high. You are about to tell them you give up, but then your KATANA starts ringing.
"Do you mind if I take this real quick? Okay, thanks."
You answer your KATANA.
"Hey, Thawmus?"
"Yeah, hey bro, now's not such a good time..."
"What's up?"
"I have about 10 guys in my APARTMENT staring me down with guns."
"Oh. Well, anyways, I found another news article, that was talking about strange packages that appeared in OMAHA before it was quarantined. Looks like the government squelched it, because I can't find it anymore. But I still have a copy of it. In any case, if you get any strange packages, don't open them. I think they're related."
"Um..."
"You opened one, didn't you?"
"Sure did."
"Oh....okay...what did it have in it?"
"It was a hat. Just a normal hat. But then it became a RED FEDORA with a PROPELLER."
"You didn't put it on, did you?"
"Dude, it's a RED FEDORA with a PROPELLER. Of course I donned that ####."
"Okay....and you have 10 guns trained on you?"
"Yeah"
"Okay. I know more about this than I let on. I just didn't want you to get yourself hurt. But you have no choice now. I want you to think hard about some fictional character that shares your name. They have to share your name, in order for this to work. When you do, the hat will transform you into that character. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone's figured out how to reverse it. We'll have to figure that out later."
"I already have someone in mind, I think."
"Good, good!"
"No, that's bad. He'll kill lots of innocent people!"
"Is he a bad guy, or what?"
"No, he just has anger management issues."
"What does he look like, I'm going to come find you. I'll reverse it, or die trying."
"He'll be a huge half-orc brute. Wields an axe."
"Any other details?"
You give your brother more and more details, but forget some. If only you had something in your INVENTORY to help you detail him more.
=>Use DICE and attempt to make saving throw.
loganspeedo
07/21/2009, 11:23
Take out character sheet and try to turn off the oven before the pizza burns
Take out character sheet and try to turn off the oven before the pizza burns
You look through the corner of your eye at the MICROWAVE TIMER. It's only got a minute left! (Yeah, it takes 4 minutes to try and jump through a window, SHUT UP!)
Your NUTRIENTS level hits 100%. It's game time.
You pull out your D&D CHARACTER SHEET, and read it over. You give your brother as many details as possible.
"Oh, so he's that barb that you played with Romack?"
"Yeah, that's him."
"Oh.....yeah, he was a nutcase."
"That's why I think this is dangerous!"
"Look, he was a nutcase, but he wasn't evil. He liked fighting, but he had a sense of honor. And he had spots of brilliance. He might assess the situation perfectly, and handle it like a gentleman. That happened sometimes."
"Yeah, not when he was being threatened! He has to make a will save if they attack him, and he usually fails. That's going to be a lot of death on his hands!"
The officers have had enough of this. One of them walks up to you, and slaps a handcuff on your right arm. You give him a look of, "Dude, PHONE". He starts to apologize, then remembers why he's here, and stops caring.
*WORK INTERMISSION- will continue when I get back*
The cuff breaks. The officer takes a step back, startled. Your right arm becomes a pale yellow-green. Muscles appear in places you never knew there could be muscles. Your left arm begins to shake and tremor as well, as it transforms into another pale yellow-green monstrosity. Your left fist is covered with a SILVERED SPIKED GAUNTLET OF SPEED. You remember buying that a long time ago, and then regretting it due to the FRENZY bonus overlapping it. Your clothes begin to tear as you grow out of them, and the RED FEDORA slowly fades out of existence. You try to take your SUNGLASSES off, but they are destroyed by your enlarged head before you can react. Your KATANA quickly transforms into a large WAR AXE. Your brother is still trying to talk to you, but you can't make out what he's saying anymore. The last thing your consciousness hears is: "I'm coming for you. And I'm not ever going to give up."
Thawmus (normal) will not accept commands anymore this game. From now on, any commands for Thawmus will be accepted by Thawmus (D&D Barbarian). All of Thawmus (normal)'s INVENTORY is inaccessible at this time (kinda).
You are Thawmus. You have just awakened to your own existence. You have all of the belongings you had upon your last adventure. You are in a room with 10 men. They appear to be wielding sticks. You can sense another presence a few rooms away. And you smell a delicious food being prepared in another room. Your WAR AXE is continually trying to talk to you.
What do you do?
=> Knock police officers harmlessly unconscious.
=> Listen to WAR AXE
St-Dumas
07/21/2009, 13:09
=> Investigate food.
=> Investigate other presense.
=> Knock police officers harmlessly unconscious.
=> Listen to WAR AXE
You quickly beat the police officers unconscious, using your NONLETHAL ATTACKS. A few of them tried shooting you, but luckily your DAMAGE REDUCTION absorbed the damage completely. Otherwise, you'd have flipped out and killed them.
Your WAR AXE continues to talk. You put it to your ear, so that you can hear it. "Thawmus....THAWMUS???"
You are....really not used to this. But Romack was always using MAGICAL MEANS to communicate with you, so you shrug your shoulders and play along.
"Ro..Romack?"
"Aw jeez, you're using that character name you gave me. You must think I'm....I mean...yes, this is Romack."
"ROMACK! Where are you? Men came to hurt me, but I beat them down quickly."
"Oh, those guys are the law, Thawmus. You shouldn't kill them, no matter what. Do you understand me?"
"Yes, under.....stand. They wield sticks and stones. I beat them down, but they ok."
"Excellent. Do that from now on, when someone attacks you, okay? These people aren't used to anyone that cuts others in half."
"O-okay."
You frown a little bit, since half of your fun has been ruined. You don't really want to listen to Romack anymore. All he ever does is tell you what not to do.
=> Investigate food.
=> Investigate other presense.
You walk into the other room. The smell of food being prepared is coming from a metal box. You pry the top of the box off, and find bubbling deliciousness inside. You pick it up, fold it in half, and swallow it quickly.
YUM!!!! :classic:
Now that you're fed, you investigate the other presence. You can smell the stink on them. You can smell their fear. You walk into the other room, while saying: "It okay, me not hurt you!"
A man steps out of the shadows, and stabs you in the chest with a KNIFE. After DAMAGE REDUCTION, it does 1 DAMAGE to you.
You are about to fly into a FRENZY. Perform a WILL SAVE.
=> Make saving throw with DICE
JKLantern
07/21/2009, 13:59
=>Cast Summon Bigger Fish! (http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0208.html)
St-Dumas
07/21/2009, 14:01
=> Talk about my feelings with Mick.
=> Make saving throw with DICE
The DICE have become a full D20 system set of DICE. You don't remember owning any DICE at all, but you have them all the same.
You throw a d20. It comes up with a 19. You fail.
You grab the man by his skull and throw him through the window. You jump out after him, and attempt another saving throw.
18. You fail.
You grab him by his shirt, lift him up, and punch him hard in the stomach. You attempt another saving throw.
1. You fail.
You throw him into a nearby hunk of metal with wheels, and jump on top of him, crushing him underneath you. You attempt another saving throw.
2. You fail.
You punch him hard in the face, breaking his nose. You get out your WAR AXE, and attempt another saving throw.
20. You succeed.
You stop beating the man to death, and go pick up your DICE. You are now a little exhausted, from your FRENZY. It will take you a little time to recover.
JKLantern
07/21/2009, 14:11
=>Make camp.
(Prepare to see this a LOT! The last DND game I played, the party made camp every encounter, so we ended up spending at least a week in a sewer system!)
Prepare to see this a LOT! The last DND game I played, the party made camp every encounter, so we ended up spending at least a week in a sewer system!
(Ugh. We had a group that did this. The DM got wise and started hitting us with encounters while we were trying to sleep.
...now that I think of it, that was Thawmus' party that was like that.)
JKLantern
07/21/2009, 15:22
(Ugh. We had a group that did this. The DM got wise and started hitting us with encounters while we were trying to sleep.
...now that I think of it, that was Thawmus' party that was like that.)
(I was subbing in, because the Druid was off with his girlfriend on the planned DND night. The DM was pissed, but we had fun. Low Level Quest, chasing after a rust monster in a sewer. We ended up leashing it up under water while I bludgeoned it with a cudgel.)
=>Make camp.
You decide that it's sleepy time.
But, your BRILLIANT OVERDRIVE kicks in.
"I do say, this would be an absolutely terrible sleeping arrangement to be in! I'm a stranger in a strange land, I have no time for sleeping!"
You pick up your WAR AXE, and start talking into it.
"Hello, Romack? I assume you're not really Romack, because the Romack I know had a considerably different voice pattern. Although, you seem to know of him, and that may be good enough for now. In any case, it appears that I nearly killed a man, who attacked me from the....the....I'm not sure what you natives call them, but there's a lot of water pouring out of the building, from where we were."
"Oh, that's a BATHROOM."
"Oh....come again?"
"Nevermind, you'll find out. Now, you need to listen carefully before your BRILLIANCE runs out."
"Sorry, it appears I'm giving over again to.....talking....not so smart."
"Alright, just talk to me when it comes back."
"O....Okay..."
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