AZS
02/25/2003, 12:59
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I am Frank Schlichting’s review of heroclix.
Welcome to Thug Club.
The first rule of Thug Club is that you don't talk about Thug Club.
The second rule is something along those same lines.
And the third rule well, that’s something all together different.
Fourth rule is: when someone yells "Owww", gives up, or clicks out, the game is over.
Fifth rule is: only 200 or 300 pts to a game.
The Seventh rule says: only one game at a time. Unless it’s a tournament.
The eighth rule goes something like: No shirts, no shoes unless they are molded to you.
The Nineth rule of Thug Club is: Fights go on until Firelord kills you (or your mom comes to pick you up.)
But the last rule, the last rule is that if you’ve never been to a Thug Club figure review before, you must post a reply. Everyone posts their first time, no exceptions.
We all come to Thug Club for different reasons, but one thing is always the same;
You are not defined by your supervillian career.
You are not how much stolen money you have in the bank.
You are not the contents of someone else’s wallet.
You are not your #%@*ing underwear on the outside of your costume.
You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake (making supervillian).
You are the all-singing, all-dancing garbage of the superhero world.
That’s why you are here. You are a Thug.
And I see in Thug club the strongest and smartest men that have ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see it squandered. Damm it, an entire generation, shooting ray guns and getting beat up; slaves with capes. We're the middle children of this continuity. No purpose or place. We have no Super Powers. No Secret Wars. Our Secret War is a spiritual war... our Super Powers are our lives. Advertising has us chasing cars and adventure packs, working jobs we hate, so we can buy super weapons we don't need and won’t work. We were raised on violent television to believe that we'd all be millionaires, Norse gods, movie adaptations, Uniques, and foil covers, but we won't. And we're starting to figure that out.
We weren’t all born into ‘Bullseye’ like perfection. We can’t all hit like Hercules and hide like Elektra. Some of use have to make do with what we were given. Like me being overpriced thanks to too many clicks of Incapacitate. But I can still brawl with the best of them. Heck, I can even damage the big guns! Lets see the appropriately named WASP do that.
Just look at the Mighty Firelord over there. Smug and superior in his ability to deal five clicks of damage with impunity. But hit him once and he screams like a sissy “AAAHHH! Paper cut! MEDIC! MEDIC!” He ought to be banned.
Look at Hercules swilling his ale, bench pressing buicks and flirting with She Hulk. He doesn’t change, he’s as old as time, but still from one click to the next there’s no difference, no growth or variation. He just plugs along move after move without ever growing (weaker), but he is still just like the rest of us slowly moving towards KO.
This is your life, and its ending one click at a time.
I was talking with Thug the other day and it got me thinking.
“If you could fight any figure one on one, who would it be?”
“I'd fight Prof X.”
“Good answer.”
“How about you?”
“Slim Summers.”
“Cyclops?”
“Big guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight 'til they're burger.”
Ultimately, life is a big game and it doesn’t matter who we play off against because eventually we all end up KOed and in the same green tackle box in the trunk.
While we’re here though, we try to make the best of it that we can. I fight like the rest of them. I started out as a rookie, taking my lumps and clicking out quickly. I was weak then, as a rookie, soft in the middle and not nearly worth the points. I clicked out too fast and couldn’t have even stood against some of weak new guys like rookie Aim Agent or Rookie Logan. Logan. That man is a fighter, its like he’s ferrel, he’s tapped some animal deep inside him. Me, I just started out with a belly full of incapacitate, an attack value that couldn’t hit the broad side of a Blob, and a deep desire to seriously click some a**. I had a long reach, well, for a melee character anyway I thought it was long. 4 inches. But it turns out that even a rookie Avalanche has a range of 4 inches.
I got better though. Drive and determination. I worked at it, took my bruises and wore them like trophies, like a prize fighter. I got Experienced, I got better stats and joined a team. The self proclaimed Masters of Evil. We had a plan, a goal, a mission. We were supposed to work together. We called our goal Project Snausages. But it just didn’t work out. Being able to all attack one socially significant monument together, but only using one action seemed like a good idea, but we could never pull it off effectively. It was wasted points. And they were all just as weak as me. And that wired one, Vet Whirlwind, man you have never seen a guy with a worse case of attention deficit disorder. First he’s here, then he’s way over there, he attacks one guy then in the same turn attacks someone else. He just couldn’t focus, maybe if he could he might have been able to pull his attack value out of the toilet and up above an 8. But as it was, these Masters of Evil were barely even Masters of their own domain.
Still Thug club persisted. I was starting to hear rumors of Thug clubs in other universes. I heard of a Thug club over in DC run by some fishy guy. They fight at a Gas Station and sometimes in a natural history museum. They had a smaller initial turn out, but it was growing. Growing faster than I could keep up with. The independents are starting a Thug club too. All of them, from Dark Horse and Crossgen to Image and 2000AD. They have their Sojourners and Lady Deaths, their Judge Dreads and Johnny Alphas. They start up where they can and soon they’ll all have expansions too.
Thug club is just growing and growing. And even though I reached Veteran Status, it always seemed like LE Frank Schlichting was one step ahead of me. Whatever tournament I went to, I could feel it, Frank was a prize there before me.
Now that I’m a Vet though, I know I can win and get him. Most people underestimate me, but I know I’m a force. Incapacitate seems over priced, but I have a good attack value now to back it up. And Jon Leithusser insists its an underrated power.
My short range may seem like a hindrance, but it just means that my opponent doesn’t pay attention to me, then I can grab hold of Vulture’s talon for a ride and sneak up on them. Yeah, I may be ‘overpriced’ but I like the notoriety. And now that I’m a vet, I get to choose when and where I fight, and I’m not too well known, I get to keep my private life private. You don’t hear Bakija complaining endlessly that I’m broken or Brazil telling everyone I’m ‘unfair.’ I’d get pretty sick of hearing about that over and over (and over and over) if it was all directed my way.
For now, I get to stick to the shadows, mold my Thug club army into Mods of my own design, and quietly work on Project Mayhem.
Check out my other reviews at these links:
Marvel Reviews (http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16280) . . . DC Reviews (http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=14015)
This review was inspired by the thread "Sick of Firelord Rants, here's my Anti-Contrictor Thread" and the many humorous posts there that were the precursor to the 4F and the Halls. Thanks to all you guys and gals.
I am Frank Schlichting’s review of heroclix.
Welcome to Thug Club.
The first rule of Thug Club is that you don't talk about Thug Club.
The second rule is something along those same lines.
And the third rule well, that’s something all together different.
Fourth rule is: when someone yells "Owww", gives up, or clicks out, the game is over.
Fifth rule is: only 200 or 300 pts to a game.
The Seventh rule says: only one game at a time. Unless it’s a tournament.
The eighth rule goes something like: No shirts, no shoes unless they are molded to you.
The Nineth rule of Thug Club is: Fights go on until Firelord kills you (or your mom comes to pick you up.)
But the last rule, the last rule is that if you’ve never been to a Thug Club figure review before, you must post a reply. Everyone posts their first time, no exceptions.
We all come to Thug Club for different reasons, but one thing is always the same;
You are not defined by your supervillian career.
You are not how much stolen money you have in the bank.
You are not the contents of someone else’s wallet.
You are not your #%@*ing underwear on the outside of your costume.
You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake (making supervillian).
You are the all-singing, all-dancing garbage of the superhero world.
That’s why you are here. You are a Thug.
And I see in Thug club the strongest and smartest men that have ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see it squandered. Damm it, an entire generation, shooting ray guns and getting beat up; slaves with capes. We're the middle children of this continuity. No purpose or place. We have no Super Powers. No Secret Wars. Our Secret War is a spiritual war... our Super Powers are our lives. Advertising has us chasing cars and adventure packs, working jobs we hate, so we can buy super weapons we don't need and won’t work. We were raised on violent television to believe that we'd all be millionaires, Norse gods, movie adaptations, Uniques, and foil covers, but we won't. And we're starting to figure that out.
We weren’t all born into ‘Bullseye’ like perfection. We can’t all hit like Hercules and hide like Elektra. Some of use have to make do with what we were given. Like me being overpriced thanks to too many clicks of Incapacitate. But I can still brawl with the best of them. Heck, I can even damage the big guns! Lets see the appropriately named WASP do that.
Just look at the Mighty Firelord over there. Smug and superior in his ability to deal five clicks of damage with impunity. But hit him once and he screams like a sissy “AAAHHH! Paper cut! MEDIC! MEDIC!” He ought to be banned.
Look at Hercules swilling his ale, bench pressing buicks and flirting with She Hulk. He doesn’t change, he’s as old as time, but still from one click to the next there’s no difference, no growth or variation. He just plugs along move after move without ever growing (weaker), but he is still just like the rest of us slowly moving towards KO.
This is your life, and its ending one click at a time.
I was talking with Thug the other day and it got me thinking.
“If you could fight any figure one on one, who would it be?”
“I'd fight Prof X.”
“Good answer.”
“How about you?”
“Slim Summers.”
“Cyclops?”
“Big guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight 'til they're burger.”
Ultimately, life is a big game and it doesn’t matter who we play off against because eventually we all end up KOed and in the same green tackle box in the trunk.
While we’re here though, we try to make the best of it that we can. I fight like the rest of them. I started out as a rookie, taking my lumps and clicking out quickly. I was weak then, as a rookie, soft in the middle and not nearly worth the points. I clicked out too fast and couldn’t have even stood against some of weak new guys like rookie Aim Agent or Rookie Logan. Logan. That man is a fighter, its like he’s ferrel, he’s tapped some animal deep inside him. Me, I just started out with a belly full of incapacitate, an attack value that couldn’t hit the broad side of a Blob, and a deep desire to seriously click some a**. I had a long reach, well, for a melee character anyway I thought it was long. 4 inches. But it turns out that even a rookie Avalanche has a range of 4 inches.
I got better though. Drive and determination. I worked at it, took my bruises and wore them like trophies, like a prize fighter. I got Experienced, I got better stats and joined a team. The self proclaimed Masters of Evil. We had a plan, a goal, a mission. We were supposed to work together. We called our goal Project Snausages. But it just didn’t work out. Being able to all attack one socially significant monument together, but only using one action seemed like a good idea, but we could never pull it off effectively. It was wasted points. And they were all just as weak as me. And that wired one, Vet Whirlwind, man you have never seen a guy with a worse case of attention deficit disorder. First he’s here, then he’s way over there, he attacks one guy then in the same turn attacks someone else. He just couldn’t focus, maybe if he could he might have been able to pull his attack value out of the toilet and up above an 8. But as it was, these Masters of Evil were barely even Masters of their own domain.
Still Thug club persisted. I was starting to hear rumors of Thug clubs in other universes. I heard of a Thug club over in DC run by some fishy guy. They fight at a Gas Station and sometimes in a natural history museum. They had a smaller initial turn out, but it was growing. Growing faster than I could keep up with. The independents are starting a Thug club too. All of them, from Dark Horse and Crossgen to Image and 2000AD. They have their Sojourners and Lady Deaths, their Judge Dreads and Johnny Alphas. They start up where they can and soon they’ll all have expansions too.
Thug club is just growing and growing. And even though I reached Veteran Status, it always seemed like LE Frank Schlichting was one step ahead of me. Whatever tournament I went to, I could feel it, Frank was a prize there before me.
Now that I’m a Vet though, I know I can win and get him. Most people underestimate me, but I know I’m a force. Incapacitate seems over priced, but I have a good attack value now to back it up. And Jon Leithusser insists its an underrated power.
My short range may seem like a hindrance, but it just means that my opponent doesn’t pay attention to me, then I can grab hold of Vulture’s talon for a ride and sneak up on them. Yeah, I may be ‘overpriced’ but I like the notoriety. And now that I’m a vet, I get to choose when and where I fight, and I’m not too well known, I get to keep my private life private. You don’t hear Bakija complaining endlessly that I’m broken or Brazil telling everyone I’m ‘unfair.’ I’d get pretty sick of hearing about that over and over (and over and over) if it was all directed my way.
For now, I get to stick to the shadows, mold my Thug club army into Mods of my own design, and quietly work on Project Mayhem.
Check out my other reviews at these links:
Marvel Reviews (http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16280) . . . DC Reviews (http://www.hcrealms.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=14015)
This review was inspired by the thread "Sick of Firelord Rants, here's my Anti-Contrictor Thread" and the many humorous posts there that were the precursor to the 4F and the Halls. Thanks to all you guys and gals.