Hairydragontoe
08/20/2003, 00:26
Got up the courage to share something I wrote for my Short Fiction class last semester. Enjoy. Feedback appreciated, I'm not finished/quite happy with it yet!:classic:
Closet Hero
I used to pick my nose three times a day. Now I only do it twice a week, thrice if it’s windy out. I trim my nails every Sunday, making sure to neatly file the tips into perfect curves. Monday is laundry day and the day after that I dust all my penguin knick-knacks. Wednesday I sleep until noon and eat Lucky Charms out on the balcony in a green lawn chair. Thursday I get up at dawn and go for a run on the trail that winds around the lake across from my apartment complex. Every Friday my coworkers at the Route 205 Barnes & Noble ask me to go with them to Friendley’s Pub, and every Friday I decline. Saturday is my day off, and I spend the entire day down in my Bat Cave, saving the world from evil and crime.
My Bat Cave is in my hall closet. No one knows that the Bat Cave is located in my apartment, and for that matter, that I even have a hall closet. That is because I bolted a giant bookcase to the door to conceal its location. The doorknob is hidden behind a large-print edition of Moby ####. I have never read Moby ####, nor do I ever intend to. A special edition leather bound copy has sat on the shelf of the Classics section at work for two years, collecting dust and looking more and more like it actually was a first edition.
Once my friend Jack Napier came by my place to watch a movie. He is a waiter at the Java Jive coffee shop inside the Barnes & Noble. Batman’s arch nemesis The Joker’s real name is Jack Napier, and my friend has a rather pointed chin and large grinning laugh, which makes me all the more suspicious that he is indeed the real Joker. I kept one eye on Moby #### the whole night but nothing happened. We watched the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie.
“I bet Batman could kick all four of the turtles’ asses without losing a breath,” I told him.
“Yeah, Dark Knight, I bet you would,” Jack sneered. “Anyone who wears tights and his underwear on the outside is sure to win against four giant turtles.” His cackling laugh and flower on the lapel of his shirt made me uneasy.
At 11 o’clock Jack Napier left.
Immediately I changed the locks on my door and switched Moby #### with War and Peace on the secret bookcase. I had a sneaking suspicion that at any moment the Joker and his evil minions would burst through my door and demand to know the location of my Bat Cave. His sidekick Harley Quinn, dressed in a black and red checkered jester costume, would torture me with laughing gas until I revealed the truth. I spent the rest of the night in my Bat Cave awaiting the imminent assault, but the Bat Computer never registered any intruders.
You may wonder what the Bat Cave is doing in my hall closet. Well, I’m sorry. That information is only for me, my side kick Robin and my trusty butler Alfred to know. Unfortunately, Alfred went out to buy milk five weeks ago and I haven’t seen him since. Robin came out of the closet and has been away visiting his friends with the circus an awfully long time as well. You just can’t find good help these days.
The Bat Cave is quite spacious. I took out the coat hanger pole, widened the shelf and installed a Bat Ladder, to make a second Bat Level. My Bat Computer fits quite well in the back corner, and there is even room for a leather Bat Desk Chair. And of course there is a Bat Lamp, with a 60-watt light bulb. It is hard putting on tights and a cape in the dark. The second level is where I sit in my Bat Bean Bag Chair and wait for calls from Commissioner Gordon on the red light-up Bat Phone. He never calls me, though. I wonder why?
Once I saw one of my co workers steal a candy bar from the break room vending machine. I ran after him, kicked him in the shins- POW!, took the candy bar- OOF!, and put it back BIFF!. My boss didn’t appreciate this action, he couldn’t realize that I was trying to teach that evildoer a lesson he would never forget.
“Violence in the work place is not tolerated here.” My boss, Harvey Dent, sat glaring at me from behind his office desk.
“Oh, yes sir. I do not condone violence myself, but sometimes necessary force must be taken in order to maintain order in society.”
“Beating up people for stealing a measly sixty-five cent chocolate bar is not what I would call ‘maintaining order in society.’”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Dent. I’ll try not to let it happen again.” Suddenly it occurred to me, Harvey Dent was Two Face! I began to ponder if I should seek employment elsewhere.
People here at work think that I am a little odd, anyway. I arrange the books in alphabetical order by author just like I’m supposed to. I dust the shelves at the end of every week, and fill in order forms when books are out of stock. On my breaks I sit in the Graphic Novel section and read the newest volumes. Sure I freak out when someone buys an issue before I’ve finished reading it. Who wouldn’t? Sometimes I stand staring for long periods of time at the life-sized cardboard cut out of Batman in the front window. My coworkers poke fun at me and call me names like Dark Knight, Vengeance, and Caped Crusader. I don’t really mind, though.
If you shine the Bat Signal into the night sky, I won’t come running. But that’s only because it is hard to see the sky from inside my hall closet. And because my Batmobile got towed away after I got too many parking tickets for parking outside City Hall for more than the allotted 15 minutes. Even though I might be working, or doing laundry, or dusting my penguin knick-knacks, have no fear, fair citizen. For I am the shadow that flys in the night, and I will remain vigilently keeping watch over the city, deep in the depths of my batcave.
Closet Hero
I used to pick my nose three times a day. Now I only do it twice a week, thrice if it’s windy out. I trim my nails every Sunday, making sure to neatly file the tips into perfect curves. Monday is laundry day and the day after that I dust all my penguin knick-knacks. Wednesday I sleep until noon and eat Lucky Charms out on the balcony in a green lawn chair. Thursday I get up at dawn and go for a run on the trail that winds around the lake across from my apartment complex. Every Friday my coworkers at the Route 205 Barnes & Noble ask me to go with them to Friendley’s Pub, and every Friday I decline. Saturday is my day off, and I spend the entire day down in my Bat Cave, saving the world from evil and crime.
My Bat Cave is in my hall closet. No one knows that the Bat Cave is located in my apartment, and for that matter, that I even have a hall closet. That is because I bolted a giant bookcase to the door to conceal its location. The doorknob is hidden behind a large-print edition of Moby ####. I have never read Moby ####, nor do I ever intend to. A special edition leather bound copy has sat on the shelf of the Classics section at work for two years, collecting dust and looking more and more like it actually was a first edition.
Once my friend Jack Napier came by my place to watch a movie. He is a waiter at the Java Jive coffee shop inside the Barnes & Noble. Batman’s arch nemesis The Joker’s real name is Jack Napier, and my friend has a rather pointed chin and large grinning laugh, which makes me all the more suspicious that he is indeed the real Joker. I kept one eye on Moby #### the whole night but nothing happened. We watched the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie.
“I bet Batman could kick all four of the turtles’ asses without losing a breath,” I told him.
“Yeah, Dark Knight, I bet you would,” Jack sneered. “Anyone who wears tights and his underwear on the outside is sure to win against four giant turtles.” His cackling laugh and flower on the lapel of his shirt made me uneasy.
At 11 o’clock Jack Napier left.
Immediately I changed the locks on my door and switched Moby #### with War and Peace on the secret bookcase. I had a sneaking suspicion that at any moment the Joker and his evil minions would burst through my door and demand to know the location of my Bat Cave. His sidekick Harley Quinn, dressed in a black and red checkered jester costume, would torture me with laughing gas until I revealed the truth. I spent the rest of the night in my Bat Cave awaiting the imminent assault, but the Bat Computer never registered any intruders.
You may wonder what the Bat Cave is doing in my hall closet. Well, I’m sorry. That information is only for me, my side kick Robin and my trusty butler Alfred to know. Unfortunately, Alfred went out to buy milk five weeks ago and I haven’t seen him since. Robin came out of the closet and has been away visiting his friends with the circus an awfully long time as well. You just can’t find good help these days.
The Bat Cave is quite spacious. I took out the coat hanger pole, widened the shelf and installed a Bat Ladder, to make a second Bat Level. My Bat Computer fits quite well in the back corner, and there is even room for a leather Bat Desk Chair. And of course there is a Bat Lamp, with a 60-watt light bulb. It is hard putting on tights and a cape in the dark. The second level is where I sit in my Bat Bean Bag Chair and wait for calls from Commissioner Gordon on the red light-up Bat Phone. He never calls me, though. I wonder why?
Once I saw one of my co workers steal a candy bar from the break room vending machine. I ran after him, kicked him in the shins- POW!, took the candy bar- OOF!, and put it back BIFF!. My boss didn’t appreciate this action, he couldn’t realize that I was trying to teach that evildoer a lesson he would never forget.
“Violence in the work place is not tolerated here.” My boss, Harvey Dent, sat glaring at me from behind his office desk.
“Oh, yes sir. I do not condone violence myself, but sometimes necessary force must be taken in order to maintain order in society.”
“Beating up people for stealing a measly sixty-five cent chocolate bar is not what I would call ‘maintaining order in society.’”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Dent. I’ll try not to let it happen again.” Suddenly it occurred to me, Harvey Dent was Two Face! I began to ponder if I should seek employment elsewhere.
People here at work think that I am a little odd, anyway. I arrange the books in alphabetical order by author just like I’m supposed to. I dust the shelves at the end of every week, and fill in order forms when books are out of stock. On my breaks I sit in the Graphic Novel section and read the newest volumes. Sure I freak out when someone buys an issue before I’ve finished reading it. Who wouldn’t? Sometimes I stand staring for long periods of time at the life-sized cardboard cut out of Batman in the front window. My coworkers poke fun at me and call me names like Dark Knight, Vengeance, and Caped Crusader. I don’t really mind, though.
If you shine the Bat Signal into the night sky, I won’t come running. But that’s only because it is hard to see the sky from inside my hall closet. And because my Batmobile got towed away after I got too many parking tickets for parking outside City Hall for more than the allotted 15 minutes. Even though I might be working, or doing laundry, or dusting my penguin knick-knacks, have no fear, fair citizen. For I am the shadow that flys in the night, and I will remain vigilently keeping watch over the city, deep in the depths of my batcave.